Liz's Lair

from the forums

March 12th, 2018

I posted this in the relationship forum today. I thought it was appropriate for here too…

From where I sit this is not about whether porn is good, bad or whatever. It is about communication and respect.Would it be possible for you and your husband to have an open discussion of the situation? Maybe if you could tell him what about this makes you uncomfortable and he could tell you what needs of his are not being met (if any) the two of you can work out a solution that works for both of you. If he is unwilling to try and resolve the problem I’d consider that a huge red flag.

I’m going to admit that based on my personal experience I learn in favor of the OP in this situation. For those of you who say porn is “normal” and natural, okay, but it becomes a problem when it interferes with a couple’s relationship.

My husband was abusive to me in multiple ways. The final straw for me was his interest in porn. We had not had relations for over a year, except for the night he raped me. It was not that I was not willing to have relations with him. (OK, I was not much interested after being raped) It was that he did not touch me or relate to me that way except for the one exception I mentioned. What disturbed and hurt me was that the women he was viewing on line looked like younger versions of me. So he was happy to pleasure himself with on line versions of me, but was not interested in me. At the time I kept trying to figure out what was wrong with me, what should I do differently? I blamed myself for his lack of interest. I’m way healthier today and realize the problem was not with me. It was him!